Chester — The Korner

This screenshot is still haunting me. It's only been three hours and my emotions have been swirling around the blender ever since.

I guess I should start at the beginning.

It was the latter part of 2001 and I was your typical suburban 17-year-old living in North Los Angeles. I had a blessed life with not much to complain about. Unless you count boredom.

I remember one day calling one of my buddies to ask if he could hang out, and he said he was busy watching Linkin Park. I didn't know they were a band, and honestly thought he was watching something about a park on television.

Not long after, one of my other friends was playing their music in the car. I asked him who it was and he told me it was Linkin Park. I recognized the name from my other friend, and really dug what I was hearing.

Then I caught a glimpse of Chester when I saw the music video for "Crawling". At first glance, I saw the spiked blonde hair and saw a bit of myself in him. The more I paid attention the more I realized we didn't look anything alike, but hey, I was inspired.

His voice was unlike anything I'd ever heard. It went from so soulfully melodic to so intensely angry. The passion always resonated deeply with me.

I'd listen to Hybrid Theory endlessly, and then joined the LPU (Linkin Park Underground) fan club toward the end of the year so I could meet them when I would attend my first concert in February 2002.

When that day came, I had been running a fever over 100 degrees for a few days. I knew I wasn't going to miss the concert, so I went along with my two buddies. I put in temporary black hair gel and painted my nails black because I was inspired. I looked ridiculous. This wasn't something I ever did, and people still make fun of me till this day.

I had never been in a mosh pit before so I was pretty nervous. Adema was the opening act, and the floor had plenty of space. Then Cypress Hill came on, and the floor filled out a bit. But then as Linkin Park was getting ready it truly became standing room only.

When they opened their set I was pushed sideways against a man probably three times my weight. I couldn't even move yet I was completely captivated by their performance. My world was completely rocked.

This had everything to do with Chester. Certain bands live are a disappointment. Linkin Park never was to me. Even if Chester was sick, he took it up a few notches and sounded better live than on the recordings. He was bouncing around the stage, interacting with the crowd, and firing everyone up.

He'd scream louder than he did on any recorded song. He'd do entertaining tweaks to songs to bring more energy. I was completely captivated.

By the time the concert ended, I was mentally and physically exhausted. Even though the show was completely thrilling, I was still running a fever and having a hard time being present. I waited in the back to meet the band trying to stay as patient as possible.

They all sat in chairs lined up behind a table. Chester was the first one I walked in front of. I quietly pushed forward my CD for him to autograph, and he looked at me, extended his arm to shake my hand, and said "Come on man".

He didn't have to do that. And if he didn't I never would have shook his hand. People don't always get positive experiences with the ones they idolize. I was really thankful that Chester did that.

Toward the end of 2002, as my obsession continued, I started getting more active on the fan club message board. This was before Myspace and Facebook, so it was a cool opportunity to interact online with like-minded fans of the band.

I formed many friendships, including one whom was a moderator for the LPU. A big part of her job was keeping the peace on the message board to make sure fans were playing along nicely. A short time later, she would fight to help me become one of the eight moderators in the world.

I don't know why, but I also took great pride in that. It made me feel important and like I was part of something bigger than myself. I then joined the street team where I'd help promote the band with swag, etc. This became a huge part of my life, especially socially.

I'd meet up with a ton of fans and we formed our own clique. It wasn't just about the band, real friendships were being formed.

I stopped counting, but I believe I ended up seeing Linkin Park 14 or 15 times, in three different states. I road-tripped to Arizona where I helped sell memberships at their shows, and I traveled to Vegas to watch an incredible performance.

I heard "Somewhere I belong" at a private listening before it was released on the radio. It was hilarious because our reactions were filmed, yet they forget to hit "record". I was able to hear the collaborating with Jay-Z early as well.

I spent like 12 hours at the "Faint" video shoot before I had to head home to study. Suffice it to say, I failed a couple classes that semester.

I ended up quitting the LPU in 2004 (I think?), as I was focusing on college and getting busy in life. Looking back, I always regret that I didn't try to do more with the band.

I only met Chester a few times, not counting when I'd be front row of a mosh pit reaching my hand out with hope that he'd slap it.

I remember being at the Orange County Fair, a few drinks deep, and I looked up and he was pulling his son on a wagon. I stared in silence, and I believe I just nodded because I didn't want to bother him.

I'm not embarrassed that I was almost like a groupie or super-fan because it was a time in my life I'm very thankful for and will always look back on fondly.

I don't think I've seen LP perform since 2008, and even though their sound has changed dramatically, I've always enjoyed them. A lot of friends would make fun of me for supporting a "manufactured boy band", but that never bothered me.

To me, it was a unique chance to support a band that I could see live. To be a part of a community and experience some pretty cool things. To meet a ton of great people.

I'm incredibly devastated that Chaz chose to take his life. Seeing his recent performance after he found out about Chris Cornell dying, was so raw. So painful. And listening to it today, I practically broke down.

This teaches us that we never know the demons people have. There is so much noise in this world. The pressure can be suffocating.

Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and so many other things are real battles for so many people. If you're of a calm mind not affected, don't be ignorant that your neighbor may be suffering.

It's heartbreaking that the volume was too loud for Chester and he silenced it. For his family (kids, wife), bandmates, fans, or whomever.

At 33 I've seen a lot of death. More specifically, there's been a lot of celebrity deaths. None have been this personal.

Linkin Park came at the perfect time in my life.

And Chester, I am so sad that you're gone. I pray you're at peace and will always be appreciative that our paths crossed. It will be harder to hear your songs now, and I'll never forget the impact you had on me. RIP, old friend.

Peace, love, and a little sarcasm,

The Korner AKA jkorn513