#thefirstyear
As of yesterday I can say I've been fortunate enough to call Jennifer my wife for an entire year.
I wasn't too active on social media during the weekend as we celebrated, but then again, I just checked and I haven't even posted on this site since July 20th. Perhaps there is a pattern here.
It is safe to say that 2017 has FLOWN by. I don't know how it's Thanksgiving next week and I know the rest of the year will continue to fly.
But this post is specifically about #jksquared and our first year together. I was reflecting yesterday and in a word, our first year was: unpredictable.
If you do any research on what the top stressors in life are, you'll find Marriage, Moving, Illness, and Job Loss generally in the top 10. We endured those four and are standing here today stronger than we were a year ago. .400 is great for baseball but not for anxiety.
I think it's easy given movies/TV and social media to feel that you fall in love, you get married, and you know, everything is all sunshine and rainbows 24/7. Arguing doesn't exist. Everything you want happens ALL the time, and you will never experience a frown.
That's not life though.
It has been incredibly challenging at times. Yet, when you find someone that at their core wants the same things you want, you fight to fit together, even though your ridges may be jagged. It isn't so much about shoving a square into a round hole, but understanding that bending prevents breaking.
Compromise.
In life I operate with the specific positive mindset that I have so that I can conquer adversity. I do this because I don't want to accept the alternative. I don't want to quit. I don't want to fail. To be laid off from a high profile position just days after trying to digest that I needed back surgery, felt like I had vaseline hands trying to climb a pole.
And that caused me to fall. But I had Jennifer to catch me. To be my biggest cheerleader and tell me I would be okay. That we would be okay. That I don't speak defeat so I couldn't start at that time. I didn't know how to be vulnerable in front of her.
Again. Think of the "honeymoon" phase and all the romantic things you see on TV. We tried to feel as light as possible yet sometimes we were in our own way. When I find myself in these positions, I really try to focus on the future and better days ahead. Yet, sometimes in trying that, the present is neglected. Despite all of the challenges and how easy it would be to mope, we continued to love each other. To court each other. To make some freaking lemonade as the lemons dented the mind and spine. You get what I mean.
The back surgery I had in May ended up going far better than I could have anticipated. But it was still quite limiting in terms of what I could do socially. When you're constantly dealing with how to be comfortable, it's hard to not feel like a burden. And I had this insecurity that I'd be seen that way. Whenever I'd express this fear, Jennifer nurtured me with care. It's like she's a nurse or something...
The recovery provided plenty of downtime to reflect about life. I had accomplished quite a lot in my career, yet I had felt for a long time that commuting in LA didn't make any sense. And physically, I was tired of doing it.
In July an opportunity presented itself to relocate to Austin. The timing felt serendipitous. Even though we were leaving behind all that we know and love, we knew we had to try. We had experienced the beauty of the beach and the sweetness of the suburbs, but now it was time to be #awesomeinAustin.
The journey here was like Oregon Trail. I drove a packed 26' Uhaul trailing Jen's car with our cat next to me. She drove my car with our dog and it took us two days. Thankfully no one came down with dysentery and we did not lose any ox.
It was an adventure. Despite how drained we were physically and emotionally, we supported each other well and everything went relatively smooth.
People ask how it is going out here. It still doesn't feel real. We've never lived outside of California so to suddenly be 2 hours ahead feels strange. It's almost like I live in two different time zones concurrently, always thinking about what time it is back home. But this is home now, and we are really happy.
The people in Texas are super kind. I'm so used to going 100 MPH around life and not speaking to people that it is teaching me to slow down. To speak to others. To be kinder. In general, I'm trying to slow down.
Which brings me to part of what I want as we look toward year two of marriage. The emotions of life, whether positive or negative, provide an opportunity to reflect. I don't want to take my marriage for granted. I want to continue growing to be the best husband I can be.
I'm not shy in saying I'm not there yet. Because it gives me something to work for. And Jennifer is worth working for.
I am so grateful we are on this adventure together. We knew going into the move that it could very well just be us. We could be lonely and we'd have to rely on each other.
Though that is true, our friend group is expanding and we are both looking forward to continuing to explore Austin.
There is no one else I'd rather be with and I want to do my part to make sure I show that as often as possible. To tell her I love her, she's exceptionally beautiful, and every outfit she puts on is the best I've ever seen.
Cheers to Year Two. I love you Jennifer.
Peace, love, and a little sarcasm,
The Korner
