Kobe

As I sit here having just witnessed the last thrilling game of Kobe Bryant's storybook NBA career; I don't want it to end. But somehow, I'm accepting that it's necessary. That it's time.

You hear athletes talk about retirement. Knowing it's time. I don't need to delve into great detail about the reasons why they hang 'em up. It's on the athlete to bring it every night physically and mentally. The flip side of that is the dedication of a fan in keeping up with the player / team.

Kobe just completed a 20 year run; all with the Los Angeles Lakers. That's unfathomable. I'm not going to list out all his stats. If you're reading this you know what he's accomplished. I'm more interested in discussing what he meant to me. I'm coming up on age 32 in a few short weeks which means I followed Kobe from ages 12 - 32.

Think about what that chunk of time covers. Starting in 7th grade and going well into my career. We grew up together. And I keep saying that it's a historic occurrence that I'll never be able to experience again. We will probably never see one player stay with the same team for 20 seasons that was as impactful as Kobe. But even if we do, it won't cover such an influential time in my life.

For that, I'm eternally grateful. And as I suspected, this is difficult. I shed tears tonight. I wasn't a casual fan. I was an obsessive one. He was a figure I could idolize and try to relate to in my life.

I owe my fandom to my father. Being born in 1984, I wasn't old enough to really watch 80's basketball as it happened. The earliest basketball I remember seeing was the beginning of the 90's. The first Lakers players that really impacted me were Nick Van Exel in 1993 and Eddie Jones in 1994. Those were the first two jersey's I purchased. Then in 1996 Kobe came along and changed everything.

I don't know the exact count but believe I was lucky enough to see Kobe play over 30 times in person.

I remember I used my holiday money to buy the KB 8 shoe when it came out in 1998 I believe. I think it was $125 and my dad thought I was crazy paying that much for a shoe. A couple of my friends had snagged them first so I was anxious to join the cool club. Not long after, I had tickets to a game at the Great Western Forum, where I tried to walk around carefully in my new kicks not to scoff them up. Of course, it rained that day, so that didn't work out so well.

I missed my high school graduation to be at Game 2 of the 2002 NBA Finals against the Nets. Some people thought I was crazy but to me this was never an option. Plus, fans at the game saw the sign I had about why I was there and I felt like a rock star when they cheered me.

I was at the 81-point game sitting in the nosebleeds. I literally could touch the back wall. I had just moved from Los Angeles to Orange County for college, and didn't want to make the commute on a Sunday night to watch the lowly Raptors. But my friend pushed me to go, and I'll never forget the electricity pumping through my veins as I witnessed history. It was such an adrenaline rush, and unlike anything I've seen before.

The one-footed 3-point buzzer-beater over Dwyane Wade? I was in amazing seats maybe 8-10 rows back near center court. About a month later, in the same seats, Kobe hit another game winner from three against the Kings. Both of those were exhilarating.

I can talk about the countless things he did on the court to will his team to victory. The thing I admired about him most was his preparation. It's not about where he ranks historically. No one will question his tolerance for pain in playing through injury or how hard he worked every single day.

He was an asshole. But to be as successful as he is I think that's sometimes necessary. And that rubs people the wrong way. But I get it, because I don't think I'm that dissimilar. I'm not as cold-blooded, but sometimes when you're dealing with things in life a logical approach can seem far harsher than a sensitive/encouraging approach.

I drew a lot of parallels to things in my life as he dealt with things in his. In 2013 he popped his Achilles, which looked to be the end of his career. I had a rough year myself, so I found it poetic that we were healing together. And I'm grateful for his injury-marred past few seasons, because it has helped my perspective in dealing with injuries that I've had.

His general mindset I have applied to many things in my life. I have his arrogance and confidence when it comes to believing in myself. I take the things he says philosophically about basketball and apply them to relationships in my life.

When he had his goodbye speech after the game, he mentioned sticking through tough times and not running. I immediately thought about my fiancee, and the commitment I've made to her for the rest of our lives. You may not understand that, but that's how I've chosen to appreciate Kobe Bryant.

You see, we all have choices. I've seen many choose to bash him and call him a rapist. And to me, that's not what I'm here to discuss. I'm only interested in thanking someone that was a maestro with the basketball. Someone who I poured myself emotionally into. Took my faith, rested it on his shoulders, and knew that hell or high water, we were together.

During countless games my emotions would be twisting in my stomach as my blood pressure rose with the suspense of not knowing if we'd win or not. As the ball would be released from Kobe's fingers time would freeze as my brain would analyze what could happen. It didn't always go in our favor, but with 5 championships in 20 years, I'd say we did okay. Yes, "we".

Again, that may seem dramatic to you, but I suspect many of you are in the same boat. He was someone I could believe in. And for that to be over, is really like a death.

In thinking of the past 20 years of the various stages of my life and looking at the next 20 years, I know there is a lot of good to come. I'll be able to tell my kids about Kobe Bryant. But, part of me is sad that we won't be able to share that together.

Part of me is sad that no matter what I do, life keeps its momentum pushing forward. Seeming at a faster pace tomorrow than yesterday or today.

There is poetry in that. There was poetry watching Kobe play basketball. But much like him when he penned his farewell letter, I have nothing left to give.

I'll still watch Lakers basketball. It will always be a part of me. But as they rebuild I'm honestly admitting I'm going no where. But I also know it's okay to breathe for a bit and give it some space. To take all that love and pour it into my family. To be better.

I'm also inspired. I have more I'd like to accomplish. Kobe has reminded me of that.

Thank you for reading. And thank you Kobe Bean Bryant for inspiring me the past 20 years. Can't wait to see what's next.

Peace, love and a little sarcasm,

j.d.k.